Loss, Lost and Loved.

I awoke with the loud racket outside my room. Despite having the doors closed and being in the room farthest from the kitchen, the noise somehow found its way into my ears.

I tried to lie flat on my back realising my left hand is already cramping. I may have slept on my left side the whole night. As I start to shift, I realised there wasn’t any space. My friends were practically squishing me to the wall. The bed was too small for the four of us.

They are still sound asleep. How are they still sleeping with all those noises outside? What time did they crash? I quickly snapped out of my confusion and sat up. Yesterday was hectic. A lot of people came to my sister’s wedding reception. I didn’t do much but somehow I wound up with the stomach flu. I went to bed early and let my friends go wild without me. That’s probably why I’m up really early.

Taking every energy I have left, I pulled myself out of bed and went outside. I went to the kitchen to see my mum, aunts and other relatives in a war with food and kitchen utensils.

Like any other morning, my first instinct is to ask my mum where Putih was. (I realised I haven’t introduced his name in previous posts… ((Wow I’m such a great writer 10/10 *sarcasm* )) My pet’s name was Putih. It means white in English.)

“I haven’t seen him at all,” She said. “Why don’t you go find him? He might’ve gone outside.”

Those words made my heart sink to the ground. He was a house cat. And he also has a problem of forgetting the way back home. God knows how far he’s gone. My house, far from the nearest town, was practically in the middle of the wilderness. He could get lost in those tall shrubs and weeds, I thought. With my embarrassingly worn-out blue pyjama, I stormed out of the house and called his name, repeatedly.

No answer.

I went back inside to search again, but it was clear he wasn’t home.

I haven’t brushed my teeth or washed the golden slumber off my face. I was too shook up to do anything else. I was already thinking the worst, what if I never see him again?

After almost an hour of searching and yelling his name around the shrubs, I went back inside the house, sad and lost. My sister, who looked clearly nervous for her reception, asked me if I found him.

“No,” I said, frustrated.

She went berserk as if I didn’t look hard enough. She then dragged me went outside for a third round. This time, we heard his meow answering our calls. We kept calling but we couldn’t see him.

The ruckus we were making woke my friends up, who were closely watching from the bedroom window. Mum also joined us, bringing a box of Whiskas.

Shaking the box to indicate it was meal time, we called his name repeatedly. Soon after, a ball of white-brownish fur emerged from the tall grasses running towards us. His whole body covered in mud. Usually, I would get mad because of the dirt but instead, I hugged him so tight, it stained my ugly pyjamas. Oh well.

By now you probably have an idea of how much he meant to me, how much I loved him.

There is no substitute for the love I had for him.

People say “You won’t know the true value of what you have until you lose it”.

Sometimes we take things for granted. We go on about our days, oblivious to all the positive things happening in our lives. Family, food to eat, a roof to sleep under, money to spend, the sunshine, the rain, that person who returned your smile. It’s endless. Yet, we don’t take a moment every day to stop and express our gratitude.

We think it’s our godforsaken right to have these little luxuries, but God can easily take everything away right now. Whether you’ve been good or not, that is life. Life on Earth is just a test for our faith and loyalty to God.

So why don’t we say our thanks every day to every one worthy in our lives?

Just think, a simple ‘Thinking Of You’ note will make a person’s day.

Losing my pet was probably a slap in the face. I didn’t even realise he was losing weight rapidly and was not eating as much as he did. It was too late when I did.

All because I didn’t pay attention. And it backfired on me.

I had too much on my mind and I didn’t take care of the one thing that meant the world to me.

I ended up losing a big part of my world.

All sadness and grief aside, I was happy that I got to be with him when he passed. There isn’t any way I would have wanted it to happen.

I still miss having him on the edge of my bed having his cat nap, or on the other side of my laptop to indulge in its warmth. Since then, I’ve been a bit open with my feelings and basically seeing in a whole different coloured glass.

It’s hard but it’s worth it. You should try it too.

Missing this stupid goofball. May you rest in peace, Putih.

PS: Thank you for reading this long 3 part series. It means a lot to me. Also, sorry for the crappy resolution on the picture. It was taken in 2008.


2 thoughts on “Loss, Lost and Loved.”

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