stuff i would never tell you

As I sat across from you, your whole being intoxicated me.

The way you laugh. The way you spoke. The way you smile.

I wondered where have all the times gone with me not knowing your existence.

But you didn’t know that.

When you held my hand and told me how lucky I was. You were right. I was lucky and you were the star I wished upon that made me lucky.

But you didn’t know that.

And all those late night talks. All those late night binge-watching. All those jokes. All those subtle gestures. They linger in my mind.

And I think, will it all mean something else? Can it mean something else?

For you, it didn’t. But for me, it meant the world.

There was nothing I could do about it. Not now. Not ever.

We had an expiration date. You moved on and I needed to do it too.

So I spend the days away from you. Away from a feeling I needed to avoid. If I fall into the abyss of it all, I would never return. I would have spent the rest of my life hoping something that isn’t real.

But, I saved myself from it.

Still, you didn’t know about that.



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