stuff i would never tell you

As I sat across from you, your whole being intoxicated me.

The way you laugh. The way you spoke. The way you smile.

I wondered where have all the times gone with me not knowing your existence.

But you didn’t know that.

When you held my hand and told me how lucky I was. You were right. I was lucky and you were the star I wished upon that made me lucky.

But you didn’t know that.

And all those late night talks. All those late night binge-watching. All those jokes. All those subtle gestures. They linger in my mind.

And I think, will it all mean something else? Can it mean something else?

For you, it didn’t. But for me, it meant the world.

There was nothing I could do about it. Not now. Not ever.

We had an expiration date. You moved on and I needed to do it too.

So I spend the days away from you. Away from a feeling I needed to avoid. If I fall into the abyss of it all, I would never return. I would have spent the rest of my life hoping something that isn’t real.

But, I saved myself from it.

Still, you didn’t know about that.




Sometimes, God sends you something to ponder about through strangers.

Once, a stranger talked to me while we were attending a talk. She told me her little sister couldn’t get a job after graduating from uni. It just so happens I was taking the same major as her little sister (well, briefly took it). Keep in mind, I didn’t tell her anything about me. I just mentioned that I was attending university.

And sometimes, God gives you bits of advice through strangers.

One told me to always remember to fall in love with our loved ones every day. “I make sure to fall in love with my husband every day,” she said. I have never felt so happy and alone at the same time when she said it.

One told me to never waste time. “Your youth is too precious to be wasted,” she said.

One told me to remember our parents, in sickness and in health. “When you take care of them, you will find blessings abundant,” he said.

I wish I wrote more often back then. There were so many words said to me that would benefit my future self. Now, I can’t remember them properly. Such a waste, isn’t it? (Write more, peeps.)

It’s weird to talk to strangers, I know. I still feel that way. But when I do strike up a conversation with one, I never leave empty handed. I leave with a piece of their life that gives me something to think about.

Everyone has a story. They are waiting to be heard. Why don’t we all lend our ears to these people?

Prudent // 04.04.17