As I sat across from you, your whole being intoxicated me.
The way you laugh. The way you spoke. The way you smile.
I wondered where have all the times gone with me not knowing your existence.
But you didn’t know that.
When you held my hand and told me how lucky I was. You were right. I was lucky and you were the star I wished upon that made me lucky.
But you didn’t know that.
And all those late night talks. All those late night binge-watching. All those jokes. All those subtle gestures. They linger in my mind.
And I think, will it all mean something else? Can it mean something else?
For you, it didn’t. But for me, it meant the world.
There was nothing I could do about it. Not now. Not ever.
We had an expiration date. You moved on and I needed to do it too.
So I spend the days away from you. Away from a feeling I needed to avoid. If I fall into the abyss of it all, I would never return. I would have spent the rest of my life hoping something that isn’t real.
Note to self: Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t compare yourself to someone else. Don’t hate yourself. No one else will take care of yourself other than you. It’s not a race. You are your own. You may not change the world and that’s okay. You may not be special to the whole world but you are precious to a bunch of them. You’re not a loser. You’re not lost. You never were.
There comes a time when you’ll want to scream and cry. It’s okay. Do it, get through it, take a walk and come back stronger.
Spread love, make love. Good manners don’t cost anything. Neither does generosity. Once again, it’s not a race. Enjoy life as it is.
Maintaining a positive attitude is hard work. Obviously, not everyone can manage to be a ball of sunshine 100% of the time.
But it’s better to try than never at all, right?
Who likes a sour face? Who likes a hot-headed man? Who likes a rude person? Who likes a moper?
Chances are, you don’t really feel comfortable dealing with people like this. It takes a great amount of energy to interact with these people. They’re like soul suckers. They suck the positive out of you and turn you into one of them.
I agree. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world. But there’s also a lot of amazing things going on as well. A lot of chances to be taken.
I’m not saying you should ignore the bad things and live in an ignorant bliss. I’m saying you should acknowledge the positive things and work on how you can spread the love so the bad things could subside in some ways.
Negativity doesn’t pay. Being rude doesn’t pay. Shitting on life (and then don’t do anything to make it better) doesn’t pay.
We live in an ever-changing, ever-improving world. Being a pessimist is a mediocre thing to do. Being rude is a basic thing to do.
Do yourself and the entire universe a favour and control your attitude. Change it if necessary.
The first season of Riverdale is ending tomorrow and I am a bit sentimental. It’s been a fun few months obsessing over the cast and shipping and all that fangirl stuff.
I think I’ll just have to draw more of the cast to deal with the hiatus.
On a more educational note, I find asking others’ opinion help me improve my drawing skills. I’m not one to annoy people with my drawings but it’s necessary. I feel sorry for the people who are close to me 😂.
I’ve been drawing a lot lately. I did a drawing of my grandfather recently. Now, I’m doing one for Mother’s Day (it’s a surprise for my mom! She’s been asking me to draw a portrait of our family. But I’m going to surprise her with a drawing of her first!), 8 portraits also for my mom to use in her class and another of Miles Heizer (that guy that plays Alex Standall in 13 Reasons Why, which is also another series I’m obsessed with).
It’s a lot. I’m actually procrastinating by writing these posts.
If you’re watching Riverdale then you already know she plays Betty Cooper, the girl next door. I love this woman so much it’s not even funny. Haha! Everything she does makes me really happy.
I drew this not expecting any kind of recognition. Let alone from the person I was drawing.
But on 9th April 2017, while I was rocking my niece to sleep, I received a notification on my phone from someone congratulating me. I wasn’t thinking much about it when I realised Lili Reinhart had liked my post.
This was my first time ‘reaching’ to someone using my ‘art’. And it was exhilarating. I tagged her as a joke and my caption was more or less sincere. I mean, if I knew she was going to see it I’d write a more decent caption 😂
It’s pure luck that she had seen that but I’m delighted, anyway. For the next 3 days, I couldn’t stop smiling. I even checked back any time I could to be sure it was real.
Well, it absolutely is.
I guess things like these are the ones I need most right now. I’ve been struggling at validation and self-doubt for so long. This was the boost I needed.
So, to many more portraits and late nights and hard work and red burning eyes and recognition and uncertainty and rejection and failure.
2017 is going to be a good year.
P.S: Amira, if you’re reading this, thank you for all the kind words you’ve said when I needed them the most. Thank you for being a fan of my art. You’re the best best friend anyone could ask for. You are a blessing in my life. 😘💕
Sometimes, God sends you something to ponder about through strangers.
Once, a stranger talked to me while we were attending a talk. She told me her little sister couldn’t get a job after graduating from uni. It just so happens I was taking the same major as her little sister (well, briefly took it). Keep in mind, I didn’t tell her anything about me. I just mentioned that I was attending university.
And sometimes, God gives you bits of advice through strangers.
One told me to always remember to fall in love with our loved ones every day. “I make sure to fall in love with my husband every day,” she said. I have never felt so happy and alone at the same time when she said it.
One told me to never waste time. “Your youth is too precious to be wasted,” she said.
One told me to remember our parents, in sickness and in health. “When you take care of them, you will find blessings abundant,” he said.
I wish I wrote more often back then. There were so many words said to me that would benefit my future self. Now, I can’t remember them properly. Such a waste, isn’t it? (Write more, peeps.)
It’s weird to talk to strangers, I know. I still feel that way. But when I do strike up a conversation with one, I never leave empty handed. I leave with a piece of their life that gives me something to think about.
Everyone has a story. They are waiting to be heard. Why don’t we all lend our ears to these people?