stuff i would never tell you

As I sat across from you, your whole being intoxicated me.

The way you laugh. The way you spoke. The way you smile.

I wondered where have all the times gone with me not knowing your existence.

But you didn’t know that.

When you held my hand and told me how lucky I was. You were right. I was lucky and you were the star I wished upon that made me lucky.

But you didn’t know that.

And all those late night talks. All those late night binge-watching. All those jokes. All those subtle gestures. They linger in my mind.

And I think, will it all mean something else? Can it mean something else?

For you, it didn’t. But for me, it meant the world.

There was nothing I could do about it. Not now. Not ever.

We had an expiration date. You moved on and I needed to do it too.

So I spend the days away from you. Away from a feeling I needed to avoid. If I fall into the abyss of it all, I would never return. I would have spent the rest of my life hoping something that isn’t real.

But, I saved myself from it.

Still, you didn’t know about that.



Things You Can Control #2

Your attitude.

Maintaining a positive attitude is hard work. Obviously, not everyone can manage to be a ball of sunshine 100% of the time.

But it’s better to try than never at all, right?

Who likes a sour face? Who likes a hot-headed man? Who likes a rude person? Who likes a moper?

Chances are, you don’t really feel comfortable dealing with people like this. It takes a great amount of energy to interact with these people. They’re like soul suckers. They suck the positive out of you and turn you into one of them.

I agree. There’s a lot of shit going on in the world. But there’s also a lot of amazing things going on as well. A lot of chances to be taken.

I’m not saying you should ignore the bad things and live in an ignorant bliss. I’m saying you should acknowledge the positive things and work on how you can spread the love so the bad things could subside in some ways.

Negativity doesn’t pay. Being rude doesn’t pay. Shitting on life (and then don’t do anything to make it better) doesn’t pay.

We live in an ever-changing, ever-improving world. Being a pessimist is a mediocre thing to do. Being rude is a basic thing to do.

Do yourself and the entire universe a favour and control your attitude. Change it if necessary.

Inspired by Ruben Chavez of ThinkGrowProsper.



Quote Note #8

tim ferriss QN 8.png

Fear of uncertainty is something a lot of us suffer from.

Most of the time, this fear has a cost. Maybe a promotion, or a spouse, or a new friend, or a chance to finally be living that dream life of yours, etc.

It’s comfortable to live in a surrounding where nothing exciting ever happens because you’re safe. Nothing can hurt you and you can keep on living mediocrely.

Trust me, nothing good will ever come out of this way of lifestyle.

It takes guts to gamble on the risks of taking that leap. But sometimes, it’s what you exactly need to do.

You’ll never know your true colours if you hesitate to go beyond your safe space.

Future me, do yourself a favour and don’t hesitate.



Credit: Joy Stamp

I love birthdays. In fact, I used to love planning surprises for friends. But my own birthday, not so much. It’s a reminder of me getting old.


Not to be emo, but I hate growing old (The word hate might be an exaggeration. It’s probably more of a dislike.) I wanted to die before I turned 17. However, we all must deal with it and most of the time, unprepared for the ‘surprises’ and revelations that await us.

All emo stuff aside, my birthday this year was quite spiritual.

In my previous post, I wrote about my favourite things and one of it was waking up to rainy mornings.

It hadn’t rain for a few weeks where I live. It did rain heavily during the nights but never in the morning.

Lo and behold, yesterday morning (the morning of my birthday) it rained! Light showers, just how I love it.

It may just be a coincidence. But, I love to think of it as a gift from God. I was going through a hard time and it was a pleasantly needed surprise.

Things You Can Control.

Your beliefs.

You can choose what you believe in. You can defend what you think is right. What you can’t do is force other people into agreeing with you.

In an era where everyone is trying to make themselves relevant, it’s hard not to offend a certain group of people.

As a teacher of mine once said, A joke is just that: a joke. Some people will take it seriously, so be careful of what you assume is a joke.

It’s the same case with opinions. I have my own beliefs and you have yours. I don’t have to force an opinion of mine into your mind just because I think my beliefs is better. It goes vice versa.

Respect is the key. You can’t control others.

Inspired by Ruben Chavez of ThinkGrowProsper. // Slur

The Cosmos.


Have you heard the news?

Seven new Earth-size alien planets were discovered!

Quoting the, “the exoplanets circle the star TRAPPIST-1, which lies just 39 light years from Earth,” Yes! Just 39 light years, peeps.

The fact that they wrote ‘just’ 39 light years is hilarious to me. Nonetheless, this is such an intriguing news.

Somewhere out there, there are planets just the size of Earth. It would take years for the astronomers to figure out more about the planets. For example, does the planets have water or perhaps, living creatures?? Humans? Or ALIENS???

I feel like a little child again reading all these fascinating stories about space.

Believe it or not, I once wanted to be an Astronomer. I was so proud of having this dream too. All my friends were telling generic career dreams like a doctor or a teacher or a policeman. And there I was, smug and all that, saying “I WANT TO BE AN ASTRONOMER!”

Little do I know that it takes so much more than curiosity to be an Astronomer. I never was good at Physics and I was also shit on my other science subjects. Oh well. I’ll always have blogs about space and YouTube. Thanks, Internet.

My love for the cosmos was influenced by my Dad. He wasn’t a science guy but he had a great passion for science. And he is a space enthusiast. He loves to read about space and watches Discovery Channel all the time.

When I was a kid, on our early morning drive to school, he’d tell stories about the enchanting cosmos: about Mars and the possibility of it being our second Earth, about the Sun and its mighty rays. And of course, the favourite of all conspiracy knock heads, the Aliens.

My Dad had a book (which thinking about it now, it was such a bullshit book) about aliens. The book listed types of aliens that ‘existed’. They even had illustrations of these aliens. The green one, the one with a big head, the one that looks like a lizard and one that looks almost like humans.

One day, I decided to bring the book to school to show my friends. I was having fun sharing with them about these weird creatures when the teacher confiscated it! She said it was ‘disrupting study time’. Jokes on you, teacher, because I was the school Prefect and I had ‘access’ to the Discipline Teacher’s room (it’s where they keep all the confiscated stuff). I went there and stole the book back. HAHA.

Anyway, here’s to more discoveries of the strange and magical thing we call Space.



Not Again.

I was in the bathroom again.

For the sixth time this morning. I don’t know what to do. I stand in front of the mirror, not making eye contact with my own reflection.

What is wrong with me?

My hands clasp onto the sink. I was ashamed at myself. Then I felt warmth streaming down my cheek.

No. Stop. Don’t.

My body worked against my own will. I felt my palms trembling.

Not again.

I hear them laughing outside. But those laughter was not for me.

Keep it together. Please.

I stand in pain and then I found courage for a moment. I splashed water on my face to conceal my red eyes.

You can do this.

I walk out of the bathroom. Another cycle, another day.