“It’s you that you’re running from,”

 

pablo-garcia-saldana-94067
Photo by Pablo Garcia Saldaña on Unsplash

 

Note to self: Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t compare yourself to someone else. Don’t hate yourself. No one else will take care of yourself other than you. It’s not a race. You are your own. You may not change the world and that’s okay. You may not be special to the whole world but you are precious to a bunch of them. You’re not a loser. You’re not lost. You never were.

There comes a time when you’ll want to scream and cry. It’s okay. Do it, get through it, take a walk and come back stronger.

Spread love, make love. Good manners don’t cost anything. Neither does generosity. Once again, it’s not a race. Enjoy life as it is.

23/8/2017 s.j.r

Advertisements

Do Good Deeds.

Do good things and good things will happen to you.

People underestimate the power of doing good deeds.

Donating, giving a helping hand, saying something nice and even as simple as smiling. In the short run, speaking from experience, it feels like trying to carry water in a sieve. It seems like the things you do don’t get appreciation. (Although when you do things, don’t do them solely for approval or a thank. But that’s for another post.) In the long run, you’ll see how being generally nice affects your everyday life.

You’ll feel much more relaxed. You’ll notice more things to be grateful about. You’ll find yourself more content. And when these things start happening, when you start realising the changes, you might find it weird at first.

There are fewer things that make you angry. You tend to avoid things that specifically makes you upset which in turn, saves you from a lot of cursing and late night headaches. Unfortunately, some people might find you annoying with your overly relaxed state. (Because according to society, there’s always something wrong with you. And that, kids, is why you shouldn’t give a flying fuck about what others think of you).

They might find it weird. But I do what I do. Some say it gullible. I say it’s just being rational.

I don’t have time to waste hurting other people. Just as there’s not enough time in my life to do good things for my loved ones to justify their existence in my world. So I do the next best thing, just try to make the now count.

Moonlight.

“From that first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew I had to spend the rest of my life avoiding you,” He said. She could feel her vibration of his voice through his chest.

“What?” She chuckled.

“The day we met, the day John introduced you to me, I knew there was no way I could hide my feelings. That spark, from the second your eyes meet mine, I knew I wanted to see those eyes every day. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, for the rest of my life.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

“But you… You were with him. I knew I could never be that arsehole, stealing you from him. I would never do that to my best friend.” He looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were like crystals under the moonlight.

“Every time John invited me to hang out with you guys, I would always find some stupid excuse not to. I didn’t want to lead those feelings on. But that didn’t help, did it?” He let out a small laugh. “We’d end up bumping into each other anyway,” He kissed her on the forehead. She closed her eyes feeling his lips so warm and soft.

“All those stories he told me. How amazing you were, how funny you were. They just confirmed what I felt for you,” He took a step back and twirled her and pulled her close to his body again.

“That I love you.” He whispered in her ears. “I loved you so much, I was willing to let you love another man,”

“You’ve never told me this,” she said.

“Some part of me wish I did.” He took a deep breath. Their bodies move so elegantly, in tune with the jazz song playing from an iPhone. “But what matters is we’re here, together. Right now.” He continued.

“I don’t know what to say…” She whispered.

“Then don’t,” He said. “Let’s just enjoy this moment.”


I’m listening to Ed Sheeran’s new song called Perfect and I just had to write something based on it. I’ve been writing fluff a lot this week and it is weeeeird.

I feel like I’m in love but I’m single as fuck. Hahahaha. Okay bye.

Remember.

There was nothing like it.

I’ve never felt anything like it.

The minute my feet parted from the ground, it was amazing.

From the cold breeze to the deafening sounds of the wind crashing through my whole body to the green hills and the blue rocky stream to the blinding rays of the sun to the cotton-like clouds and to the seemingly tiny people waiting for me on the ground, it was enchanting.

If I could live up there, just floating through the sky, I would.

I remember the day vividly.

I remember crashing to the ground and the pain. I remember the thoughts I had. I remember the taste of blood. I remember the smell of cigarettes while waiting for the ambulans.

It’s a day I’ll never forget. It was such a funny day.

Stand Up.

“Give us your money,” The bigger boy said. His friends behind him were laughing.

“I don’t have any,” the little boy answered, shaking.

The bigger boy turned to his friends. “Did you hear that boys” he scoffed. “He doesn’t have money.” He slammed his fist against the wall, inches away from the little boy’s head. The little boy flinched, trying not to cry.

“Don’t fuck with us.” He whispered. The little boy started crying. The three boys laughed.

“Crybaby!” The boy with scruffy hair said. He roared with laughter.

The bigger boy grabbed the little boy and threw him on the ground. He searched through the little boy’s back pocket and found his wallet.

He opened and looked through it. “There’s nothing in here.” He walked closer to the little boy still on the ground. “Useless!” He threw the wallet to the little boy’s face.

“Let’s go boys.” He said. He spat on the little boy’s body before walking away.

The little boy stayed on the ground. Some part of him wished it would just end there. No more crying, no more feeling scared, no more feeling dread. He wished he could just stay there and drift into the air. And so he stayed.

“Are you okay?” A girl’s voice asked him.

The little boy opened his eyes and only saw someone’s legs wearing pink Minnie Mouse shoes.

“Yes,” he said simply.

“Why are you on the ground?” The girl asked again.

“Because it’s nice here.”

“How is it nice?” the girl bend over, revealing her face to the little boy. He looked at the girl, much younger than him. A toddler, actually.

The little boy didn’t answer.

“The ground is really icky and cold. How is it nice?” she said.

The little boy sat up and wiped his tears with his thumb.

“You don’t look too happy on the ground. You’re crying!” She said.

“You’re right. I’m not.” The little boy said. He let out a little laugh. “The ground is icky.” He stood up. Now he’s much taller than the girl. The girl had to tilt her head to look at the little boy’s face.

“Next time, try lying on the sand.” She continued. The little boy looked at her, confused. “It’s much softer and you can make sand angels! But it will be messy. Not as fun as snow angels.” The girl picked up the wallet on the ground and gave it to him. “This must be yours.” She said.

“There you are, honey.” A woman walked over to them. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” The woman grabbed the girl’s small hands.

“John,” The woman said to the little boy. “What are you doing here? Break time is over. Come on.”

“Your daughter, Mrs Brian?” The little boy asked.

“Yes. A very naughty one, too.” The woman answered. She stroked her daughter’s head. “Say hi.” She told the girl.

“We’ve met.” The girl said. “I found him lying on the ground.”

The woman gave the little boy a confused look.

“He cried because the ground isn’t comfy. So I told him to try lying on the sand.” The little girl said. “Remember when we went to the beach and we buried dad in the sand and he fell asleep because it was so cosy?”

“Yes, honey. That’s right, sand is comfier than ground.” The woman gave her daughter a heartiest smile. “Is there anything you want to tell me, John?” She asked the little boy.

“I…” The little boy could not muster any words.

“You can tell me anything.” The woman said. She placed her hands on the little boy’s shoulder.

And at that moment, the little boy drifted into the air. Just like he wished.


If you’re being bullied, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone. There are people out there who genuinely care about you. Your life matters. Your future matters.

Doubt // 2nd March.

Memory.

sonja-langford-314.jpg2 years old. Walked around the house. It was my sister’s birthday and we had neighbours and friends come over to celebrate. I walked over to my father who was sitting on a chair. He fed me with a spoonful of noodles.

4 years old. We were at the supermarket, shopping. I was touching a bunch of things and the next thing I remember was getting my hands yanked and getting scolded. “She touched it!” My sister screamed. On the drive home, I wanted to eat chocolate but was denied. When we got home my hands were washed with mud. When I was older, I was told I touched pork.

6 years old. My sister and I were playing near the small hill at our neighbourhood. Skates and scooters were the rage at the time. I watched as she went down the hill using the scooter so fast and drifted as she hit the brake. I tried it next. I almost face-planted to the gravel.

9 years old. I was at school. The teacher gave our math tests back. I got mine and my mark was lower than my friend’s. The teacher pulled my baby hair and scolded me about my bad marks. My friend laughed at me.

10 years old. My brother bought a new game. The Sims. My sister and I played it like a maniac. We were so obsessed with it. (We still do.)

12 years old. My class was performing in front of the school for the weekly assembly. We prepared for the choral speaking for weeks. There was one part we made fun of our teacher’s signature ‘Aiyoo’ when we don’t understand what she’s teaching us. The whole school laughed.

14 years old. My friends and I performed in front of the class for our teacher’s birthday. I realised the whole class had a WTF face when my friends and I were singing. My friends kept singing and I was miming. I was trying hard not to laugh.

15 years old. Class camping at my house in the ‘middle of nowhere’. We were eating barbequed sausages and chicken wings in the family room. Then we all watched a soap opera on the television. A friend of mine was listening to her radio in the kitchen.

17 years old. Just finished the major exam in every 17-year old’s life in my country. I went home and slept the shit out of myself. Wake up, eat, surfed the web, sleep. This went on for the next 6 months.

19 years old. My friend (also my roommate) and I were running to her car in the middle of the night to hide her portable stove. There was a rumour about a room inspection by the warden (we were not allowed to cook inside our dorm rooms). We went back to our room. I couldn’t sleep for the next hour because of the adrenaline from running.

2o years old. I just lost my cat. I was sitting in front of its lifeless body when my dad came home and saw me sitting on the floor, sobbing. He sat next to me as we said our goodbyes quietly to our cat.

21 years old. Got my first job. It sucked.

22 years old this year. I wonder what kind of memories I will make.

Quote Note #6

quote-note-6

I don’t quite remember who said these beautiful words. I wrote this down in a notebook back in 2014. Another quote written on top of it was,

“Responsible is taking the gift God gave you and doing something with it.”

I believe they were written by the same person.

I think everyone can resonate with this quote. We were born to this world to contribute something to the society. Of course, not EVERYBODY is going to be the next Steve Jobs or Brad Pitt. But hey, your life is significant to a small part of the world and what you do with it can greatly impact the rest of the world. And that’s great enough.

So go forth dear friends, chase your dreams! Be the hero your kids, future kids or (if you’re not that interested in having kids of your own) furry babies look up to.